When Jakob first told his mother Luciana that he wanted to transition from female to male, she was shocked and concerned. But after taking some time to listen and learn, Jakob begun transitioning with his mother's support. In 2020, Luciana gave an interview to SBS Portuguese reflecting on her initial response and Jakob's journey. Now, Jakob shares his story in his own words.
Before coming to identify as male in 2017, Jakob had initially questioned his sexuality rather than his gender.
“I realized I was attracted to girls and thought if I identified as a lesbian I’d satisfy the feeling of being unhappy with myself. I decided to do some research for myself as I was curious about this new term “transgender”. I found that I could relate to trans people and this was always the way I had felt, I just never had the knowledge or vocabulary to put it into words.”
Following this realisation, Jakob found the courage to share his feelings with his mum.
“I walked into my mum’s room and said to her “Mum, I want to be a man, I feel like I’m in the wrong body”. At first, I think she was confused and overwhelmed because she had never heard of the term “transgender” and I hadn’t mentioned anything about it beforehand. So I think it was some pretty heavy information out of nowhere for her. After the initial shock we spoke and she started trying to understand even though she was scared of what this meant for me.”
He says he appreciates the support he's received from his family since those first conversations.
“My family has always accepted me and immediately started calling me Jakob, I don’t speak much about my transition to my family and they don’t really ask much, I think they’re comfortable seeing me be happy with myself."
I used to think I was being judged by my family for not being who they saw me as. Now that I’m nearly five years into my transition, I’m very confident in who I am. I think my family sees that and feels proud of me.
Jakob's grandparents recognise his confidence and happiness in who he is. Source: Jakob
"Personally, I want to go through all phases of transitioning, but that's not the case for all trans people. Some only take hormones, some only do surgeries, some just change their name and pronouns. It's not a matter of "becoming" a man or "looking like" a woman, it's a matter of being comfortable and happy with yourself."
"Since I was only 12 when I started my transition, I couldn't start taking testosterone straight away. I was first on hormone blockers for two years, which caused my body to stop producing oestrogen. When I was 15 I started taking a dose of testosterone every three weeks. As my body doesn't naturally produce high levels of testosterone, I have to take it my whole life, if I stop taking it, my body goes back to producing oestrogen."
My goal isn't to transform myself into anything as I've always been who I am, I'm just trying to make who I am on the outside match who I am on the inside
He says he believes there is no right or wrong age for someone to identify as trans or begin transitioning.
"I know that if I had the vocabulary and knowledge at four years old that I do today, I would've said I was trans a lot earlier. I always knew how I was feeling, I was just never able to put my feelings into words. If it weren't for the internet and my friends, my life could've been very different. I think it's so important to have conversations about gender diversity in school and at home, the topic needs to be normalised and we need to teach kids from a very young age that our bodies don't define us and there are infinite possibilities of who you can become."
"I'm learning that gender is all about perspective, my idea of a male/female might not be the same as your idea of a male/female, this gives me a feeling of freedom, not having to satisfy anyone's definition as I know who I am and I'm satisfied with it."
Jakob's advice for anyone questioning their gender identity is to forget preconceived stereotypes and norms.
"Speak with someone you trust, do research, consider various identities. Forget the role of a woman, forget the role of man, forget the definitions that haven't allowed for you to explore yourself. Do what makes you comfortable and happy."
Listen to the full interview with Jakob in English by tapping the image at the top of this article or listen to the interview with him in Portuguese . Watch a video interview with Jakob below.
or is a three-part series by SBS Portuguese, available in both Portuguese and English.
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Produced by Felippe Canale for SBS Portuguese. Videos and photography by Marlon Moro.
Series artwork by Oliver Vincent Reyes, Vincent Art & Designs.
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