Sach Trikha, 30, is a corporate communications manager who’s been dating for almost a decade. Here, she shares her hard-earned wisdom from going on more than 100 dates.
I’ve been dating since my early 20s. There have been periods when I’ve gone on two or three dates a week for months. I know I want to be in a relationship and eventually have kids, and I can’t wait to meet my person – but that doesn’t mean that I am literally going to sit and wait. I’m just really open to dating and meeting people and having fun.
The way I see it, dating is in essence data collection – figuring out what you like and don’t like, what brings out the best and worst in you, and whether you have sufficient hand-eye coordination to eat Mexican on your first date.
Many women are too focused on what the guy wants. But love is a two-way thing: we need to be more conscious of whether our needs are being met. When I made that mental switch and started focusing on what I like and what I’m looking for, the pressure lifted and dating became a lot more fun.
At the end of the day, if nothing else, you’ll get a good story out of it. What do you have to lose? With that in mind, here are my top tips for thriving in the dating game:
Learn to spot a booty call
Take note of the day and time he’s contacting you to arrange a date. If he reaches out earlier in the week and offers to make a booking himself, that’s a good sign. We love a guy who can admin. If it’s after 5pm and he wants to see you that night – girl, that’s not a date. The way he contacts you can raise suspicions, too. If he slides into your DMs after you’ve just posted on social media, that’s a red flag. He has a phone, he should just text you.
Deconstruct your dates
Sometimes dinner dates can feel more like an interview, when you’re asking each other what you do for a living, what kind of relationship you want, etcetera. That’s so boring. Instead, grab a coffee or go on a walk together. Driving somewhere to pick something up you’ve bought on Facebook Marketplace? That can be a date. It removes some of the time commitment, pressure and exhaustion that comes from gearing up for a date. I once went on a Valentine’s Day sunset picnic on the beach with a guy I’d just started seeing. It was a spontaneous decision, and the date felt chilled and special at the same time.
Don’t overthink it
Women can obsess over things. Does he like me? Will he call me back? All of a sudden, you’re imagining what your wedding with him will be like. Resist projecting and building a narrative in your head – if things don’t work out, the disappointment will hurt so much more. My dad once told me, “If a guy likes you, he’s going to move heaven and earth to see you again.” So if you haven’t heard from him – move on.
Embrace rejection templates
It gets really exhausting ending things with people and having to put so much thought into it. I eventually compiled a list of perfect break-up text messages for every scenario: after one date (“I had a really lovely time last night. Unfortunately, I’m not feeling the spark. It was so nice getting to know you”), after a few dates, after someone was an a**hole on a date (“I just wanted to say that while I’ve been having fun with you, I haven’t been into some of your behaviour and I need to call time on this”) and for when you need to break up in person. My templates have been shared far and wide among my girlfriends and have never failed.
How to deal with dating fatigue
Not every person you date is going to be “the one”. What if your perfect person was five dates from now? Don’t you want to keep going and get through those five dates? You have to be willing to put yourself out there and get involved, because as sure as hell, your perfect person is not going to just come knocking on your door. And if you’re back in the dating game after a break-up, give yourself a “pancake man”. The first one’s always a bit sh*t, but you go through with it anyway to get to the good ones.
Sach Trikha appears in the new season of , now streaming on . It’s also available subtitled in Arabic and simplified Chinese script – visit our and collections to view more.
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