Recently, after speaking on a Bi-Visibility Day panel for UNSW’s Diversity Fest, an audience member asked me about the difference between using labels like bi+, bisexual, pansexual, and queer. For me, queer was the first label that felt comfortable for me when acknowledging that I wasn’t heterosexual. I use it as a wonderfully comfortable umbrella to cozy under. I feel the same way about bi+.
Then I started reading about the and felt it important to use the term bisexual in a political sense. With pansexuality, gender and sex aren’t always determining factors in someone’s romantic or sexual attraction to others. So when I use pansexuality, it’s sometimes just because some people understand it better than the label bisexual. But not everyone is comfortable using some of these labels for very valid reasons. For example, queer has been historically used as a slur towards members of the LGBTQIA+ community, but there has been a recent uprise in the reclaiming of the word.
Bisexuality can be attraction to two or more genders, attraction to same and different genders, or attraction to multiple genders
Both the labels bisexual and pansexual have multiple definitions depending on who you are asking. Bisexuality can be attraction to two or more genders, attraction to same and different genders, or attraction to multiple genders. It’s not just attraction to cis men and women because this implies that there are only two genders, that trans men and women are not “real” men and women, and excludes non-binary people. Pansexuality is an attraction to multiple genders, attraction to all genders, or attraction regardless of gender.
Last week, Netflix series Big Mouth faces criticism for its portrayal of bisexuality and pansexuality. In the episode, comedian Ali Wong portrays a pansexual character while using basically every biphobic trope you could think of. Wong’s character, also named Ali, calls bisexuality “so binary” while, in explaining her pansexuality, fetishises transgender people. In defining her sexual preference, she places pansexuality on a moral high-ground (over bisexuality) that doesn’t actually exist. Her character is also hypersexualised later in the episode when the boys talk about how “hot” it is that Ali is pansexual because of “threesomes.”
Though many of us were hurt and disappointed by having bisexuality misrepresented as binary, there were some redeeming positive aspects of the episode. In the episode, we also see Jay's excitement when he sees how much everyone embraces Ali’s pansexuality. Except when he comes out as bisexual, his experience is much different to Ali’s because it is often assumed that bisexual men are just on their way to coming out as gay. The episode also touches on the fact that just because Ali is pansexual, it doesn’t mean she wants to make-out with everyone. There’s also a moment of pansexual and bisexual solidarity between Ali and Jay after bonding over similar lived experiences.
After receiving feedback online from transgender, pansexual, and bisexual communities, one of the co-creators of Big Mouth, Andrew Goldberg, apologised for the misrepresentation and expressed a desire to touch more on this in future seasons of the show. This is a great step forward, as there is much more nuance in this conversation that is ever-evolving.
It isn’t easy for those who aren’t impacted by biphobia/pan-phobia to understand why bisexual and pansexual people feel so passionately about visibility and making sure our identities are understood.
Growing up, I distanced myself from labels because I believed I would end up “picking a side”; that either my attraction to men would eventually disappear or my attraction to other genders was a phase. I lived in constant anxiety while waiting for the fluidity of my identity to fall into some clear cut box, worrying that I would betray whoever I ended up spending my life with. All of these fears and beliefs were influenced by bi+ stigma in the media, my family, and my community.
I lived in constant anxiety while waiting for the fluidity of my identity to fall into some clear cut box, worrying that I would betray whoever I ended up spending my life with.
Written in 1990, the , which was written in 1990 states: “Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have ‘two’ sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.”
There is a lot of overlap between the terms bisexual, pansexual, bi+, and queer. It’s understandably confusing for some folks, even if we identify with these terms ourselves! It’s past due time we embrace the grey areas and fluidity of our individual identities and respecting whichever label each individual chooses for themselves. We can do this without perpetuating stigma towards other labels and look forward to seeing how Big Mouth continues the conversation with us as we collectively evolve.
Counselling Support for Bi+ Folks:
QLife Tel: 1800 184 527 (3pm -midnight) | Lifeline Tel: 13 11 14
On Demand
Watch Slutever, season 2 episode 3, Bisexual Men:
