It's strange - it's something you've hoped for, wished for, prayed for, gotten indescribably angry about, cried over, felt lesser because of, and marched in thousands for.
But as the end nears on the fight for same-sex marriage, it's really difficult to pinpoint exactly how to feel as an LGBTQI+ person. Excited, but saving your excitement for the big moment. Angry it took so long, and so much heartbreak and pain was experienced, but trying desperately not to focus on the negatives. Happy to finally be able to marry the love of your life, but wary of celebrating before it's official, especially when you've been burned so many times before.
I decided to speak to a number of LGBTQI+ people, to see how they've felt this week, watching reports roll in as the House of Representatives address Senator Dean Smith's same-sex marriage bill. The responses were varied, and full of heartfelt emotion.
Blair Williams
"I am quite excited about the whole prospect of finally having marriage equality after fighting so hard for so long to be recognised. However, I am extremely nervous about it going through the House of Reps and being damaged by "religious freedom" on its way... we need freedom FROM religion! I am also quite annoyed at people like Malcolm Turnbull congratulating himself on this whole thing when he was the one who made my community endure this horrific and devestating plebiscite."
Matthew Smith
"No excitement, just relief. Parliament dragging this out, threatening to add amendments to legalise new forms of discrimination, with days of speeches congratulating themselves, when the government's behaviour this year has encouraged more harassment of LGBTQI+ people than we've seen in years, is draining. Being the last Western nation to do this is nothing to be proud of. It's like being the last US state to end segregation. I'd rather see apologies for their behaviour than self-congratulation."
Kirsti Phillips
"Feeling confident marriage equality will be approved this week. My fiancé Nikki and I have booked an appointment with our marriage celebrant this week to hopefully facilitate a January wedding."
Deanna Caulfield
"I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m still bitter and twisted that we’ve had to go through months of sanctioned hate and they still think they have a right to debate the issue. Sick of having the media and the homophobia in my face. Just get it done already."
Meredith Janette Bigham-Lloyd
"After waiting 24 years we are excited, relieved but tense. Our wedding rings arrived yesterday. It's the start of yet another debate in Parliament and we won't completely relax until the Bill has passed and they're on our fingers, as this feels so surreal after so many years fighting for it. How would we be feeling had the vote been No? We don't want to even think about it. We are so grateful to everyone for opening their minds and hearts - we're nearly there."
Jim Whitman
"Personally I’m disappointed it’s taken us this long to catch up with the rest of the world. It’s sad that Australia, a nation who prides itself in being accepting, doesn’t even have marriage equality yet. They’re dragging this out for no good reason."
Roz Rogers
"Listening to the Lower House I feel a great range of emotions. Certainly, I feel gratitude to the Yes voters for making this debate possible; but mostly I feel a deep and burning resentment towards those who have made us go through this cruel and very public process. It is a bittersweet experience having my innermost self judged by the nation and its Parliament."
Ruby Susan
"By this point I'm too drained to feel much of anything. I have very little faith in this government and expect their speeches and debates to be little more than pompous grandstanding that will attempt to pretend this campaign was both justified and respectable. Meanwhile, we lost people and saw a 90% increase in verbal and physical assaults, which I doubt will be mentioned."
Sal Altschul
"I'm excited, in a way, not that I should be too thrilled -- I don't have anyone to marry, after all! But seriously, I'm excited that my great uncle and his partner, and my aunt and her partner, can finally get married. They've been together longer than I've been around (almost 30 years) and it'll be great to see them be able to have a legally binding celebration of their love and also know that they'll get the same legal protections and provisions as straight people. All that said, I'm also nervous. I know that there'll be certain groups of people who WON'T be quite so happy as the rest of us and they'll kick up a fuss that will very likely see a lot of queer people harmed, one way or another. I do sincerely hope that nobody loses their life in the name of prejudice and hatred."
Danni Ong
"I’m just glad I’ll be marrying my soulmate one day.... 35 years in the waiting 😊."
William Brougham
“For me it all feels a bit underwhelming and I just want it done. This has dragged on for far too long. Just pass the legislation. We campaigned hard for this and there should be no room for exemptions and we owe those who oppose marriage equality nothing. There is no need to appease them. Would the NO side have given us ground if it had won? Of course not.”
Jacob Thomas
"I’m tired; really tired. For what it’s worth I’m happy for the couples who will finally get to marry their partners and to have their relationships recognised. But I’m so tired. Im glad it’s coming to end so we can start celebrating something that isn’t just the ongoing survival of the community."
Celeste Maree
"I feel privileged to bear witness to something historic happening in our country. My daughter will be able to marry the woman of her dreams! She is fortunate to have been involved in the rallies and protests of recent years, has a solid understanding of the marriage equality debate, and feels strongly about our government stepping up and delivering."
John Donald Wescombe
"Feeling a myriad of emotions really. The predominant being exhaustion with undertones of guarded hope that this debacle will finally end with a positive outcome for our community and families.
"Absolute disgust with the whole political process and government in general for putting my life and family under a microscope to be judged by people that don't even know me and would even wish me dead just for existing. Sadness in seeing some families ripped apart as hidden opinions and emotions were brought to the surface. Relief in knowing who actually truly loves and accepts me and my family as we are and who has my back. Wary about the level of bigotry and hatred that boils barely below the surface of our society especially now that it's been given a government sanctioned platform for expression. Concerned for the young and the vulnerable that this has affected, the ramifications of which will be ongoing for years to come.
"Finally, thankful to the people who have put in years and years of hard work, putting themselves on the line to help us get here. Ivan Hinton-Teoh, Rodney Croome; Shelley Argent, plus all the other wonderful people that don't have quite the same public profile. I'm proud to say my family and I did our best to contribute as well."
Jason Smith
"As a farmer who works hard to feed this country and who has struggled through some very tough times, I cant express how this momentous event has affected me. I feel supported loved and valued like I never have before."
Aaron Chad Hargrave
"It's been a long hard fight but hopefully this week our representatives will finally do what the majority have been asking for years. I'm feeling so many emotions; nervous, scared, excited and some I can't even explain. Am trying to stay positive and am hopeful that after 61.6% said Yes so will the House of Reps."
Waithira Wav Kariuki
"I am cautiously optimistic and quietly excited. I have never followed politics so closely. I feel proud listening to some of our politicians and angered by others. I will celebrate with my kids who will benefit the most from this change."
Michael Barnett
"Listening to the speeches in the House of Reps has been a huge roller-coaster ride for me. Speakers like Andrew Wilke and Adam Bandt made me feel so happy and emotional in a good way. Their uncompromising support means so much to me. Hearing other speakers like Linda Burney and Cathey O'Toole made me want to hug them and tell them they are saving kids lives in a big way.
"The worst part is listening to the Liberals claiming the postal survey was a huge success and patting themselves on the back, whilst I know my husband's mental health was at an all-time low for the entire time of the survey. That was so hurtful and unfair of them."
Chris Kennewell
"So many mixed emotions right now. Some of us have stepped into roles where we have helped groups form, mentored individuals and acted directly to ensure the community have been kept safe. It feels like an alternate reality that finally has the chance to happen.
"Out and about in shops and on the streets people are repeatedly going out of their way to be very kind and supportive. I didn't know they could clock us so well but they can. They want us to know that we are alright and equal in their eyes. That's a truly beautiful thing."
Sarn Franich
"Relieved more than anything. Also nervous and excited. But more relieved. A fair bit of residual anger and frustration that we’ve been forced through this whole debacle, but yes, I think relief is the word that fits best. Relief it’s happening but also relief it’s finally over."
Cherie Brindley
"I’m keeping up with Lane’s reporting [AUTHOR NOTE: Lane Sainty's live reporting from Parliament, and throughout the entire process of legalising same-sex marriage has been phenomenal. Follow her on Twitter .] but at this stage I feel emotionally disconnected from it all - this whole process has been so long and taken an emotional toll. It’s exhausting. A part of me is also concerned about the chance of conservative amendments being attached to the bill. I don’t want marriage equality if it opens the door to other forms of discrimination."
