Feature

'Levelling up': why I don't think about ageing anymore

Middle age no longer exists for me, and old age is out the window. This is how I'm doing it.

Nadine Chemali

Nadine Chemali is making up for lost time. Source: Supplied

When I turned 39 I decided I wasn’t going to think of my birthday in terms of ageing anymore; no more ‘years old’. Each birthday is graduating to a new level. Maybe it’s because I’m from the first wave of Millennials and we embraced video gaming as a lifestyle choice and for some, gaming is even a career.

Maybe it’s because I have finally realised that ageing, like many things, is a social construct. We do physically gain time on planet Earth with each rotation around the sun, but beyond that anything ascribed to “getting older” is just a rule made up by humans. So I am changing my rules.
I spent so many younger levels wanting to be a grown up, thinking women should act a certain way.
Recently I levelled up to 40. I have reached what they call “middle age”. I am meant to take my child to soccer practice and wear activewear according to all the mummy blogs and TV shows; be wiser and more dignified. Instead I levelled up, I broke the rules and applied childish rebellion. I posted a picture in my underwear to Instagram like someone at level 19 is expected to. Women my age are not expected to do that.

And then I posted a picture with a teddy bear and my sister asked me if that was the kind of thing I wanted to be doing at 40. Yes, it is. I spent so many younger levels wanting to be a grown up, thinking women should act a certain way. My internalised misogyny stopped me exploring all the cute playful things so now I’m playing catch up.
Nadine Chemali
"I posted a picture in my underwear to Instagram like someone at level 19 is expected to," writes Nadine Chemali. "Women my age are not expected to do that." Source: Supplied
I’m not a “gamer” in strict terms, but I’ve certainly dabbled in some game play. And now I’m applying gaming concepts to my levelling-up lifestyle.
I got married and divorced (all before level 30), and had a baby at level 31.
Formative years playing games like Dungeons & Dragons means I see levelling up as a time to “+ wisdom”. I know as I get further along in the game of life, say towards level 60 I might start losing health. If I focus on collecting hearts it will enrich my life and health, but collecting coins might make the mission easier.

Where to now in this game of life? I feel like I’ve ticked off so many achievements, some well before many other players on this platform.

Migrating to Australia meant acquiring a new language in my early levels and what a dice roll of an adventure my late teens and early 20s were.

I got married and divorced (all before level 30), and had a baby at level 31. I went back to uni at level 35 and gained intelligence although, to be honest, I probably could have done it better.

Middle age no longer exists for me, and old age is out the window. I am henceforth just embracing the life stages before me, carefully gathering tools and skills to help me for my final battle. I’ll inevitably eventually lose the game, but I am okay with that as long as my mission and game play were fun.

Nadine Chemali is a freelance writer. You can follow her on Twitter .

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3 min read
Published 25 May 2020 9:35am
Updated 20 September 2021 9:09am


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