Four days into the new year and I wonder how your resolutions are going? It’s tough, sincerely. One of my resolutions (which I foolishly shared online for all to see) was to “save $10,000” this year.
So, what was I doing at 11.30pm last night? Sending my mate pictures of replica designer sofas I wanted to buy in the post-Boxing Day sales.
Not the best way to start off my saving goals for 2018.
Historically, it’s likely new year’s resolutions began at least 4,000 years ago with the Ancient Babylonians, who made promises to their gods that they would repay debts and return borrowed objects in the new year.
Now, after trudging through the last few unbearable months of the year (last-minute deadlines, high-tension family events, and one dubious office Secret Santa gift after another) we soothe the general wear and tear of the previous 365 days by setting our intentions for the year to come.
It’s likely that making and breaking an all-or-nothing resolution is more damaging than not making one at all.
A chance to begin anew, better behaved and better focused than before, we set ourselves all kinds of goals – personal, professional, emotional, physical.
The most common goals are weight-related: lose 10kg, eat better, drink less, exercise more. These are the ones that are hardest to keep, in my opinion at least. How ambiguous is “eat better”? How do I quantify that?
On December 31 2017, my partner and I decided we would “eat better, order less take-away and drink less”. On January 1 2018, sure enough we were lying in bed, watching YouTube, drinking beers and eating Nutella ice-cream we’d ordered from UberEats.
We tend to really go for it when it comes to setting intentions for the new year, and that’s where we can have problems. Those all-or-nothing resolutions are the ones that are nearly impossible to stick to – the word is of these resolutions are kept throughout the year.
It’s likely that making and breaking an all-or-nothing resolution is more damaging than not making one at all. Failure isn’t a very nice feeling, and guilt tends to prompt us to lean in even further to our our broken promise.
Say I’ve resolved, as I did this year, to save $10,000. (Okay, Matilda, sure.) If I do buy this expensive replica designer sofa in a post-Boxing Day sale, and blow the petty savings I’ve made already, just a few days into the new year, it’s likely my resolution will be dashed there and then.
Faced with a depressingly empty bank account, I’ll shrug and give up. What’s the point? I’ve already lost.
Instead of hardline action goals, we pick a broader, emotion-based resolution to see us through the year.
That’s why I tend to organise my resolutions a little differently now. It’s a system concocted by my sister a few years ago where, instead of hardline action goals, we pick a broader, emotion-based resolution to see us through the year.
The first year we picked “be braver”, and so every time I had a tough decision to make, or a challenge to face, or a task that daunted me, I thought back to my resolution – and tried to approach whatever I had to do, all the while being braver.
The next year, we decided to “be persistent”. That was the first year I was actually successful as a freelancer, so perhaps that persistence really paid off. Last year, while struggling through my first year living with mental illness, I decided to simply “be okay” for a year. Don’t look too hard at my Twitter account but I think, for the most part, I was okay in 2017.
So, this year I have opted to “be consistent”. As a self-employed and mentally ill woman, my life tends to change a lot. Consistency is key. I still get to set all those fun, out-of-reach action-based intentions – like “sign a book contract” or “write a TV pilot”or “save $10,000” (!) – but above all, the one thing I need to remember is to “be consistent”.
Trust me, it’s a much easier – and more fulfilling – resolution to keep.
