We’re all different when it comes to what makes us feel cared for, and nurtured. I’m autistic, and practising self-care reminds me that I am of value. Every time I pray, burn a jasmine-scented candle, or lie with my cat, I remember that I am loved, and that I am meant to be on this planet. Through caring for myself, I am better equipped to care for others, and for the community. Here are eight things I do on a regular basis, which have had a huge impact upon my quality of life.
1. Meditation, prayer and positive affirmations
When people say 'meditate' or ‘pray’ or ‘think positively’ what they really mean is develop a loving relationship with yourself, and with your mind. This is super important for autistic people, because we're constantly being told - either directly or indirectly - that our minds are not to be trusted. We’re moving too fast, or too slow. We’re working things out too obsessively, or too meticulously. So getting to know and accept my thoughts and feelings, and the world that lies beyond them, has been very powerful.
2. Exercise, obviously.
Exercise is socially-sanctioned . Seriously. Doing weights or Pilates or calisthenics essentially means doing the same movements, over and over, to harness and release pent-up tension and frustration, while becoming healthier and stronger. It speeds up my metabolism and clears my mind. Cardiovascular exercise is great, too. However, to get into those really nitty, gritty, clawing-at-the-walls feelings and sensations, strength training helps. Pushing, pulling, resisting, and releasing connects me with my own strength, and capability. It’s a safe way to feel in control, and centred. Every time I crunch or squat I am wordlessly expressing myself, and the sense of satisfaction this offers filters through every area of my life.
Writer Madeleine Ryan. Source: Hector Mackenzie
3. Take earplugs, face mist and sunglasses everywhere
In order to make the experiences that I have beyond the four walls of my home more manageable, and pleasurable, I carry earplugs, face mist and sunglasses. Sunglasses deal with glare indoors and outdoors, earplugs block out excess noise in city scapes, and face mist clears the slate when I get to the point of feeling drained, over saturated, or overwhelmed.
4. Anything that boosts oxytocin
The woman who runs the organic grocer near where I live said that cacao is a drug, and she’s right. Dark chocolate helps me get through the day mentally and emotionally.
5. Rituals that calm my senses
Taking long baths, burning candles, wearing perfumes and burning essential oils are not an indulgence. For me, they’re medicinal. I am super sensitive and responsive to smell, and touch. I feel like I can accomplish almost anything if a scented candle is burning on my desk. I calm myself by getting regular massages from a trusted practitioner, and taking long baths, and ensuring that no one touches or grabs at my feet too quickly - aargh! My day is ruined!!
6. Being courageous enough to say 'no' and to ask 'why?' when necessary
The word ‘no’ is a complete sentence. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. And there’s no shame in not-knowing things. According to Zen Buddhism, ‘beginner’s mind’ is where it’s at. It’s the most wise, and intelligent way to be.
7. Joining online autism communities
I laugh a lot while trawling through online autism communities like Reddit for tips and tricks. The gifs and memes have the power to make my day. Through these communities of like-minded people, I’ve learned a lot about the benefits of weighted blankets, making signs or cue cards (to alert others as to what I’m feeling, or needing, if I’m struggling to articulate it), noise-reducing headphones, big hoodie jumpers, and eye masks.
I laugh a lot while trawling through online autism communities like Reddit for tips and tricks. The gifs and memes can make my day. Source: Supplied
8. Caring for animals
There are many books on the power of animals to help the autistic. Get. Involved. I live with two cats and a dog and I don’t know how I got through life without them before. Animals slow me down, and reassure me, and the non-verbal connection that we have has opened up and expanded my relationship with people, too. Their unconditional love speaks volumes - and all I have to do is listen.
Madeleine Ryan’s debut novel, A Room Called Earth, is due to be released in 2020. She doesn’t have social media, so if you’d like to receive updates about her work, sign up to her .
