When people find out that I am an early childhood teacher, often the first thing they say is, “Oh you would be a natural mother”.
A nervous laugh and deflection have us moving on, but I have got to break it down for why it just is not true.
Firstly, I must admit that embarrassingly I thought motherhood would be easy for me too. I have been working in childcare since I was 18 years old and have cared for hundreds if not thousands of children all in that magical age between newborn and five. I thought I’d seen it all and felt quietly confident when I fell pregnant. When my daughter was born, reality hit.
1. You cannot give them back at the end of the day
This seems obvious but there is magical thing in child care that you have a time limit to how much attention, love, enthusiasm and energy you need to bring to an interaction. Goodness knows that children need a lot of all these things to thrive and feel cared for. Knowing that there is a set number of hours and then they get picked up, increases how awesome you are. When my daughter was born I truly realised how long 24 hours was.
2. Entertaining a single child is tough
Often people assume the more children you care for, the crazier it all becomes. Not so! Children entertain each other. They fall in a group to play - conversation and joy! It is so easy to engage a group of children than it is to engage one child for lengthy periods of time. When it is your child, they turn to you to for all their play adventures.
3. Location, Location, Location
Childcare centres (the good ones) are designed with children in mind. Their furniture, their interests, their needs are met in an environment that it is created and maintained for their needs. There is a huge difference being in a classroom with lots of children and walking down an overwhelming grocery store aisle with your child.
4. All the names are ruined
For better or for worse, no matter what name you choose for your child, you have taught another with the same name. Also choosing a name is a laborious process because some memories mean that many names are completely off the table!
5. You become a paranoid parent
I have seen many accidents. I can, in an instant, conjure up a reel of memories of bleeding lips, quite a few fractures, sand in the eyes, bumps on the head, and so many grazed knees. So much of my job is risk assessment. As a parent this translates to being way too over protective. I am grateful my husband was more relaxed, and level headed about our daughter moving around freely.
6. Love changes things
There is an objectivity that makes people very good at their jobs, and I think this is especially true in childcare. You can remain calm in the face of a tantrum and not take any behaviour too personally. The pressure of being responsible for your own child and the fact that you love them triggers you like nothing else. Most of the calm goes out the window, as you relive your own childhood memories and values of your family.
7. People thinking you will be great sets you up to fail
I believe most people enter motherhood with a sense of awe and a complete lack of bearings. My downfall was that I kept thinking I should be good at this, that my experience with children should benefit me in some way. When it didn’t, I felt like I couldn’t freely express what I was struggling with. This left me feeling more isolated than I needed to feel.
The truth is when I became a mother I was at square one and trying to find my way one day at a time, just like everyone else. There really is nothing like it. My daughter is five now and after that first year of tough initiation into motherhood, things started to get a little easier and we found our flow. Being a mother to my daughter inspires me every day. She is such a kind and hilarious person and sharing our life together seems the most natural and blessed experience. I now have a second child who is eight months and my approach with him has been different from the start. The secret to motherhood: leave your expectations at the door, and face what comes with an open heart.
Maryam Johnson is a freelance writer. You can follow the Johnson family's journey on Instagram
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