I have always experienced incredibly painful periods to the point where it is debilitating. I first got my period when I was in primary school at the age of eight. We were in swim school at the time and I remember coming home dazed because I found blood on my fluoro pink and orange swimming costume. I thought I had cut myself accidentally and recall speaking to mamma about it. She went quiet when I told her about the bleeding, frowning her lips and then looking away from me. She cried.
I didn’t really understand her reaction until much later on that night. I was bleeding so heavily that I had thick and glutinous clots, which gushed out onto my pad and soaked through my shorts. I was in the shower sobbing to mamma asking her why I was like this and she shed tears again with me, without answers.
In August 2014, at 26, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I initially found out I had endometriosis after I had been trying to conceive with my ex-husband for more than year. After several pelvic ultrasounds, blood tests and referrals to a fertility specialist, I underwent surgery for two procedures – a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. After the surgery, I remember projectile vomiting on the motorway back home to Bankstown via the M5. Even then, I did not really understand the ramifications of my diagnosis. Now I know endometriosis is a chronic disease that affects in Australia and on average it takes 
In May 2021, I was back in hospital. I underwent a hysteroscopy dilatation, curettage laparoscopy, excision of endometriosis and myomectomy. It took me a while to understand what these terms meant as I came out of surgery feeling groggy and shaken. No one prepared me for the post-surgery blues, I was lucky to have already been seeing a counsellor, who guided me through it.
Rayann after her surgery. Source: Supplied
From there, I was more open to friends and family about my diagnosis and saw my GP regularly. It was these steps that revealed yet another diagnosis: Adenomyosis — a condition where the tissue that normally lines the uterus grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. It is a common cause of pain and abnormal bleeding and its features often overlap with endometriosis, in fact, the two may co-exist. estimated that about one in five women have this condition. Women in their 30s and 40s, like me, may have fewer spontaneous and successful assisted pregnancies.
I still feel angry it took so long for me to be diagnosed with both conditions. I hate that there is still so much stigma and shame in talking about our period and the affect it has on our lives
I am still coming to terms with living with endometriosis and adenomyosis. I recently participated in a Deakin University study that involves cognitive behavioural therapy at home as a way of improving well-being by examining the effectiveness of mind body interventions for people with endometriosis and pain. I learnt new ways to manage my pain through therapy such a regular relaxation practices and understanding the connection between the mind, pain and how this is manifested in the body.
Yet, I still feel angry it took so long for me to be diagnosed with both conditions. I hate that there is still so much stigma and shame in talking about our period and the effect it has on our lives. Endometriosis and adenomyosis have affected my work life. I am often out of sick leave because I have days every month where I cannot go into work because of the pain. It affects my fertility and chances of falling pregnant naturally, which has been devastating.
My conditions have affected my personal life while married and as a single woman. When I was trying to fall pregnant, every month was a cycle of disappointment and feeling like my body had failed me. It had an impact on how I saw myself as a woman because I could not conceive naturally. As a single woman trying to date, I have often been asked why I did not have children in the 10 years of my previous marriage and on some occasions, this has been a reason for rejection from prospective partners. I have sometimes felt like my worth as a woman is defined by my womb and ability to reproduce which feels demeaning and painful.
Rayann in primary school. Source: Supplied
Young girls and women need safe and supportive spaces to talk about their menstrual cycle so they have an informed perspective about their reproductive health. As a child, I had limited access to information and this has had a detrimental impact on my relationship with my cycle and my body.
I am hoping as time goes on, young girls will be taught more about their menstrual cycle along with the symptoms of endometriosis and adenomyosis
Sadly, it is still common in Arab families to experience shame and stigma in talking about our period. We have to hush, hush because no one wants to talk about vaginas or bleeding. Families with young girls need to teach them about their body because education helps provide options and empowers girls to make better choices. The stigma associated with talking about our period needs to end because this will help normalise this experience for women and reduce the sense of isolation when trying to understand what is happening with our bodies.
I am hoping as time goes on, young girls will be taught more about their menstrual cycle along with the symptoms of endometriosis and adenomyosis so they have the best possible quality of life and are educated about the most effective ways to manage these conditions.
This article has been published in partnership with Sweatshop: Western Sydney Literacy Movement.
