WARNING: This story contains distressing elements, including references to suicide.
When Patrick’s wife passed away, he didn’t think he could go on.
He avoided his family and isolated himself, hiding in his room.
“I was going to kill myself,” he said.
“I just went into my room and would sit there crying. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.”
But, the thing that saved him, was his daughter.
“I tried, but then I thought about my daughter,” he said.
“Why should I kill myself when I have a daughter? She’s the one that helped me through.”
Today, Patrick musters strength from all of his family, who constantly remind him of their love.
Patrick is one of a number of senior men from Alice Springs’ Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group who shared his experiences in a new video.
The group works alongside the town's Women's Safety Group in primary prevention.
Both parties strive to break down gender stereotypes in communities and provide safe spaces for healing and connection.
The ‘Men Can Get Support’ video sees the men share their experiences of mental health, suicide and self-harm.
'We can all talk'
Currently, nine Australians die a day from suicide, with six being Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander.
“It’s a subject that needs to be spoken about a lot in the community. It’s not only tricky but it’s a scary subject I’ve lost a lot of friends and family members to suicide,” said Chris Forbes, group co-ordinator, who features in the video.
In Australia, 75 per cent of suicide deaths are men.
“As men, we get looked down upon if we cry and show our emotions out in public,” said Mr Forbes.
“We have to break that barrier and that stereotypes and say it’s ok to cry it’s ok to reach out it’s alright to say I need help.
“Most of the time you’re thinking is this the right thing to say? Is this ok to say? Is it the right time to say something? But, I reckon it’s just starting the conversation.”
Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group in Mparntwe (Alice Springs) have produced a video sharing their personal experiences with suicide and self-harm. Credit: Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group
“We need to stop this happening by talking . . . we all can talk,” he said.
In the past, Rodney would abuse alcohol. But an incident landed him in a coma for six weeks.
When he woke up, he went to prison and had to walk with a frame, or a walking stick, and sometimes used a wheelchair.
Rodney said the coma impacted him heavily, at one stage, he tried to end his life.
“Suicide is really important, it’s a big problem. I stopped myself,” he said.
“To keep me strong, I focus on things like being true to myself. I pick up all my cans and bottles to recycle. My kids make me laugh, they make me happy in my heart. They make me really happy.”
For Rodney, recycling helps him take his mind off the hard stuff. A close second to talking with his loved ones. Credit: Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group
Finding the things you love
New father Adam also finds hope in his child and in sports.
“I feel really proud of myself, graduating and becoming a father – it’s a big responsibility for me,” he said.
When Adam was young, he moved away from home for school. He was constantly homesick but found a community in football.
“When you’re in a team, you’re not feeling left outside – you’re in it. You’ve been looked after,” he said.
“At the end of a game, you feel really good about yourself.”
Adam is a new dad, and finds a lot of love in his new responsibility. Credit: Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group
“I was going through this rough time, drinking alcohol, bad things,” he said.
“It was no good life, there were bad things I was doing. But I been going to jail, and coming in and out of jail.”
“The love, the care for family, the love for one another. My love is different now, it’s Christian love, it’s a better life, better living,” he said.
Now, he regularly gets on stage at church to sing.
For Mervyn, music is solace. He often gets on stage at church to sing with his guitar. Credit: Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group
Made by and for community
The video is the result of the men raising concerns over the rate of suicide and self-harm and builds upon the work already done with Women’s Family Safety Group.
“These issues are often hidden and it’s hard to know how to raise the subject and discuss what’s wrong,” Mr Forbes said.
“There’s feelings of shame. It’s a very scary subject . . . It can also be hard for friends and families to know what to do, how to talk with someone who is dealing with mental health issues, who to turn to.
We wanted to show in the videos how men can have these feelings and there is no shame in seeking help and support.
The video features stories shared in English and language and is entirely written, performed and directed by the men’s group members.
The video has been funded with the support of the NT Government and produced in conjunction with the Mental Health Association of Central Australia.
If this story has raised issues for you, call 13 YARN (13 92 76) or beyond blue (1300 224 636).
Members of the Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group walking in Mparntwe. Credit: Tangentyere Men's Family Safety Group
