Dave Lillo-Trynes was involved with Hillsong Church for a decade. He first came into contact with the church as a teenager and was soon helping out with Sunday services and volunteering at its conferences.
He even studied pastoral leadership at Hillsong's college and went on to become a youth pastor at a different Pentecostal church affiliated with Hillsong.
Now, he’s distanced himself from Hillsong entirely and says being part of the church took a great toll on his mental health, owing to what he describes as burnout linked to a heavy load of volunteering to help build up the megachurch.
Hillsong has enjoyed global growth, thanks in part to its dynamic concert-like services. It's enjoyed high-profile links - . Hillsong’s Instagram account has three million followers, and its total revenue last year, mostly via donations, was $76 million. But after decades of popularity, is the appeal starting to fade?
For Dave, his journey with Hillsong moved from a place of teenage belonging to seeking treatment for depression and anxiety as an adult. Along with young preachers looking to lead the next generation of the Pentecostal Christian movement, Dave is one of several speaking about their experiences within Hillsong in SBS's documentary The Kingdom.
Dave being baptised as a teenager
Hillsong: from Sydney's suburbs to the world
Dave grew up in “a mostly white suburb” in Canberra in the 1990s, to a Dutch father and a Chilean mother. He says coming from a non-Anglo background made him seek community and the Hillsong church provided that.
That community feel is a central part of the Pentecostal movement that Hillsong belongs to. Distinct from 'traditional' Christian denominations, Pentecostal churches often have a distinct youth and grass-roots focus.
Hillsong was founded in Sydney in the 1980s by pastor Brian Houston and his wife Bobbie when they opened a branch of the church run by Houston's father - Frank Houston - in Sydney's Hills District. The church has since expanded to 30 countries and claims to have 150,000 weekly worshippers.
But according to the 2021 Census, Pentecostal following in Australia is now experiencing a decline. While many attest to positive and life-changing experiences inside the church, there's also been a scandal.
Brian Houston is currently facing charges over a decision not to inform police of allegations his father, Frank Houston, had sexually abused a child while he was working as a pastor several decades earlier.
Last year, Brian Houstonafter allegations surfaced that he had mistreated women.
More recently, independent MP Andrew Wilkie, under parliamentary privilege, accused the church of breaking financial laws. Hillsong has disputed these allegations.
But when Dave joined the Hillsong congregation, it was firmly on the rise.
Music, motivational speakers and community appeal
Dave first came in contact with Hillsong when he was 15, and his school friends invited him to join a church-run school holiday camp.
“It was cheaper than most of the other stuff kids get up to on holidays. So my mum was like; ‘Sold, go’”, he said.
“Music was a big part of it, you’d sing along to a band that's on stage.
“And afterwards really motivational speakers would come out and say things like, ‘God's got a plan for your life’. And you're meant to do all these great things, so I started believing that.
“I started bringing all of my friends from school to church with me and started volunteering at church more, and it just became a thing that was part of my personality.”
David first came into contact with Hillsong when he was 15.
A year after completing his studies, Dave got a paid job as a youth pastor at an affiliated Pentecostal church in Canberra in 2008.
The church was part of the Australian Christian Churches group, a coalition of Evangelical and Pentecostal Churches that included Hillsong at the time.
After two years as a youth pastor Dave returned to Hillsong to take up a job as a marketing coordinator at Youth Alive, which runs Christian outreach events. In that role, he worked to get other youth groups and churches involved with Hillsong's events.
Hours of voluntary work
Before taking on official roles, Dave devoted much of his time to Hillsong. During his time at college, he said doing ‘practicum’ was part of course work, which he describes as similar to work experience.
He said it involved helping out with all the events and production for various Hillsong conferences.
“They would make us volunteer for, 10 or even 12 hours a day looking after kids or looking after the youth conferences and for a whole week, and you would barely sleep and barely eat," he said.
“And it would just be like; ‘We're going to show you how capable you are and how much you can stretch yourself to do all of these incredible things. Because, you know, this is a ‘whatever it takes’ kind of church’.”
Dave said he ended up replicating that culture at his youth group in Canberra, pushing the volunteers hard.
In his view, this was to put on the biggest and best show possible to build a following for the church.
But he says he saw people burning out in real time around him.
“There were underlying thoughts of like, 'I don't know if what I'm doing is actually positive, but I'm just going to do it anyway because that's what everyone says is the thing to do'.”
David in his early years at Hillsong.
“I would get up on Sunday morning, knowing I couldn’t even afford to give an offering, and say ‘if you really, want to build the church, and if you really believe God's doing something then you'll consider giving something this morning, or you'll consider what part you can play’.
“That's the stuff I regret. I stopped and thought many times, like this place is super culty, super cooked. We're pushing people to the brink of what's healthy. But I still went through the motions and did it for years.”
Hillsong declined to be involved with The Kingdom. On its website, Hillsong says it believes in the biblical principle of ‘tithing’ which is to donate 10 per cent of your income to the church.
Hillsong also says donations go towards financing the Hillsong Foundation, a charitable organisation which in turn helps fund Hillsong facilities including the Hillsong College, as well as outreach programs for vulnerable youth and families, and its Africa Foundation.
Dave spent nearly 16 years in Hillsong.
Leaving the church
Around 2013 Dave said he was having a lot of trouble sleeping, and would often feel sick and tired. He went to see a doctor expecting to be diagnosed with chronic fatigue or glandular fever.
“I filled out this survey and at the end the doctor was like ‘Okay you’re coming out very depressed and anxious from this survey, so we’re going to put you on some medication’”, he said.
“That hit me like a tonne of bricks and was the moment I realised this was not healthy for me.
“So I had to think very clearly about how to get myself out of this and it was a big process of extracting myself from the church.”
Dave said he spiralled after taking medication.
“I wasn't great at keeping in touch with my GP and my psychologist, I wasn't good at conveying how things were going.
“I ended up attempting suicide, and I woke up in this place where everything was taken off me and my stuff was all locked up."
He ended up spending around ten days in hospital, and became friendly with one of the other patients, who was a chain smoker.
Now Dave is able to find the humour in his dire situation.
“I left the clinic with a full-on smoking habit, " he said.
“My mum found it funny too.”
Dave and his wife Jane Lillo-Trynes.
He said it was “kind of perfect” and he set about building a life outside of the church.
Now, Dave said his relationship with God is a “massive grey area” he doesn’t attend any church services or read the Bible anymore.
“These specific brands of churches are not the be-all and end-all. But when you’re in them it seems like they are.”
For years Dave shut out the whole experience, not talking to anyone from that period of his life.
“Until much later I realised there was a whole cohort of people that had left (Hillsong) and were getting connected again and sharing their stories and experiences.”
Since leaving the church, Dave said his mental health has improved and he doesn’t think Hillsong would be able to have the same kind of expansion in this day and age.
“When I was younger, Australia had this very clear picture of what an ideal life was," he said.
“Now I think kids are in a much more inclusive Australia and there are many different expressions of what an ideal life is.”
Correction: a previous version of this article said that Dave was a youth pastor for Hillsong. This has been corrected. Dave studied at Hillsong College and later worked as a youth pastor for a different Pentecostal church, before returning to Hillsong in a marketing role.
Dave and other former members of the Hillsong Church appear in the SBS documentary ‘The Kingdom’ which can be streamed on SBS on Demand. You can also catch it Sunday on SBS at 7:30 pm
Readers seeking crisis support can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 and Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (for young people aged up to 25). More information and support with mental health is available at and on 1300 22 4636.
