I am an adult with ADHD. Almost everyone has heard about , but it is a condition surrounded by many misconceptions. It’s hard to explain it to someone who doesn’t have it.
I was only diagnosed with just over a year ago. Up until that point, the load has been a massive burden. For as long as I can remember, my mind has always been a jumble of thoughts and ideas with no ability to organise all the things going on in my head. I couldn’t focus on things I knew I needed to and have been endlessly frustrated that I cannot absorb even relatively simple explanations in written text because my mind just can’t arrange the information.
I have been endlessly disorganised, never able to follow through on actions or ideas (even though I think some of them are quite brilliant), and have felt like an under-achiever. Things that other people seemed to find so easy were always so difficult for me.
I blamed myself for all of my challenges. I have called myself lots of terrible things in the past: stupid, undisciplined, lazy, inadequate, and useless. I truly believed these things about myself. Unsurprisingly, I ended up with very low self-esteem and depression. Living with ADHD can be debilitating and soul destroying.
ADHD is a disorder that impacts the effectiveness of your executive functioning system, so without that functioning properly, life becomes very difficult. Many people have told me they also experience some of these things - I know they mean well, but they just don’t understand how bad it is.
It may sound strange but being diagnosed with ADHD (and discovering that I have had it all my life) has actually been a blessing. Although I cried at the time, I was actually relieved. Finally, I understood why I felt so different to everyone else and it wasn’t my fault. I was different. I think differently, I learn differently, I behave differently, and I’m motivated differently – and that’s okay.
Since being diagnosed I have embarked on a process of discovering as much as I can about ADHD. Frustratingly, most resources, like books and websites, seem to be directed towards parents without ADHD, who want to help their children who have ADHD. They contain great information, but I struggle to absorb the content. Sometimes I wonder if these websites have been designed by people who don’t have ADHD – some are just too busy for my hectic mind; it makes it hard to know where to start.
Things are now definitely starting to change in my life. The process will take a lot of time and effort, but the greatest reward is my improving self-esteem. You can’t put a price on that.
