Key Points
- Australian marriage rates are on the decline, but a small number of people go through multiple marriages.
- Insight finds out who’s saying “I do” over and over again?
Australian marriage rates are on the decline, but a small number of people go through multiple marriages. Insight finds out who’s saying “I do” over and over again? Watch Tuesday September 6 at 8:30pm on SBS or
Monette Dias, 53, had been married 11 times and engaged 28, before she met her current partner.
Monette met her first boyfriend in “elementary school”, and ever since, she’s been in pursuit of a marriage that will last a lifetime. Her role models were her parents, whose love significantly shaped the kind of relationship she aspired to be in.
But that example of a ‘perfect relationship’ was “ripped from [Monette] at a very vulnerable age” when her father died in a car accident just before she turned 15.
“I’d lost my dad and I felt like if I had a husband and started my own family, I’d have that feeling of family back,” she told SBS Insight.
“I was trying to fill that hole that would never be filled.”
Monette and her dad.
Love in Australia versus overseas
According to a by the Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, only one percent of the adult population in Australia has been married more than twice. Half of this cohort are aged over 65.
Monette is from the United States where the rules around marriage and divorce are different to those in Australia. Monette’s marriages lasted between four weeks and 10 years. While she married 11 times, on two occasions she remarried two of her ex-husbands.
Dr Hayley Fisher, an economist at the University of Sydney with a keen interest in the behavioural aspects of family law, said the laws were more strict here.
“In Australia, it’s harder to both get married and to get divorced compared to most of the US.”
In Australia, people who intend to get married need to give notice of the fact and must wait for a month before tying the knot. Whereas in most states in the US, people can obtain a marriage licence and get married straight away.
“It’s definitely more possible to be a bit more spontaneous in the US when you want to get married than it is in Australia,” Dr Fisher said.
She said the rules are similar for divorce.
“In Australia, you need to be separated for a year to demonstrate that your relationship has broken down irretrievably. In the US, that’s usually not the case…the time it takes can be as little as six to eight weeks.”
Monette said she falls in love easily.
“I really do love people with all my heart. Even people who are mean to me, I care about them,” she said.
While that may have been a factor in getting married multiple times, her previous connection to Mormonism also played a role. Her religion prevented her from cohabiting and from dating for long periods of time before marriage. This led her to make decisions that she occasionally regretted. The marriages she regretted most were those which had had a negative impact on her children.
“I didn’t want them to be affected…my kids didn’t ask for this. They were just bystanders in the divorce. I may fall in love with a lot of guys, but one thing that will get me out of love faster than anything is [if] you hurt my family,” Monette said.
Dr Fisher said those who are married multiple times are likely to have had children, but the children are typically from their first marriage.
The toll of divorce on children
Chavi Israel, 24, grew up in Melbourne. She was also affected by her mother’s multiple marriages. She was born from her mother’s first marriage, but subsequently witnessed her mother being married twice after divorcing her father.
Chavi, left, pictured with her mum.
She said her mother’s divorces and remarriages also took an emotional toll on her.
“I had to be there to support her and guide her when I was only 15 myself. That was really tough for me, having to be there for myself and be there for my mum,” Chavi said.
The latest data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that of all registered marriages in Australia, 71.6 per cent were first marriages for both partners. Following that 16.6 per cent of marriages were a first marriage for one person but not the other, and only 11.9 per cent were not a first marriage for either party.
Marriage stats in Australia.
“You can start having children, income benefits, access to government support and access to court for separation in cohabiting relationships,” said Ms Qu, a researcher at AIFS.
For those who still choose to get married, Ms Qu said it’s often because they want a public declaration of commitment. The vast majority of marriages nowadays are indirect marriages as opposed to direct marriages, meaning they are preceded by a period of cohabitation.
Despite her multiple marriages, Monette’s optimistic outlook means she still believes in true love.
“A lot of people have come to me and told me how horrible they feel about themselves, that they’ll never have love again, they’ve been married too many times,” Monette said.
“I’ve said if I ever had a ring on my finger again, it will never come off.”
