Growing up, psychologist Janina Leo was extremely close to her parents, whom she describes as conservative evangelical Christians.
But when she left her faith and her church in her mid-30s, it caused a major rift in their relationship.
Janina feels the gap has only widened following COVID-19, saying she and her parents developed different views on vaccination and politics.
“I had basically given up the values and beliefs I'd grown up with and had embraced a whole new set of values, which didn't match [my parents’ values],” Janina said.
When Janina’s child, Emmey, came out as gay and identified as transgender, this further put Janina at odds with their extended religious families.
Emmey at her Year 12 graduation at Brisbane’s Citipointe Christian College with her siblings and her mother, Janina on the right.
But that adage seems to be wearing thin, given the fervour with which many families and friends have been openly arguing over topics such as COVID-19 vaccines and mandates, gender politics and the Religious Discrimination Bill.
These heated debates, often aggravated by social media, are putting our values and differences in the spotlight, and sometimes rupturing relationships.
“My family were posting quite prolifically on social media about things like transgender issues,” Janina explained.
Janina said she removed Emmey from her parents’ social media network so Emmey wouldn’t read their posts on trans issues, which Janina perceived to at times include transphobic sentiments.
Emmey at her Year 12 formal
While the school capitulated and allowed Emmey to wear her dress, it later asked all parents to sign a new enrolment contract that would allow the school to expel students who didn’t adhere to its teachings against homosexuality and transgenderism. In response, Janina withdrew her two other children from the school, Brisbane’s Citipointe Christian College.
The school eventually withdrew the contracts and the principal stood aside in February, but Janina is now bringing the case to the Queensland Human Rights Commission, alongside other parents and ex-students.
Even more conflict arose within her deeply religious family after her actions.
“I'm devastated that I can't have a close relationship with my parents at this point in time,” Janina said.
“But one of the things that keeps me from doing that is wanting to act very protectively for Emmey, and to ensure that my children [know that] although we can hold different views and beliefs, sometimes those views and beliefs can be very damaging to other people.”
A family therapist says there is hope
Clinical psychologist and family therapist, Glenn Larner, told Insight that while our values can change over a lifetime, we’re not always good at discussing our differences with loved ones.
“You only have to look around the world at the moment. You have to say, we’re not very good,” he said.
Glenn and his son Tim
“We can change. There is hope, but it's a hard journey,” Glenn added. “We get bogged down in those differences [and] we don't see the commonality.”
Insight approached Janina’s parents but they declined to comment.
On Sex, Religion, Politics, Insight looks at the issues tearing relationships apart. Is it possible to work through opposing values and when do we know when to walk away? Hear from Janina, Emmey, Glenn and other guests from 8.30pm AEST, Tuesday, June 14 on SBS One and SBS On Demand.
