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Married Young
episode • Insight • Current Affairs • 52m
episode • Insight • Current Affairs • 52m
Shortly after separating from her husband, Ashley suffered what she remembers as her lowest point: digging around in her car looking for loose change to buy a loaf of bread.
During her seven-year marriage, she and her husband were in dire financial straits, having bought a home in Perth and borrowing more to renovate.
“We were up to our eyeballs in debt. It was a combination of the house and the fact that I had to work part-time when I had my children," Ashley said.
"Finances were a huge factor when I was considering separation. I understand why so many women feel trapped, because when I first walked away from the marriage I was significantly financially worse off.”
Ashley's financial situation was dire due to debt, buying a home at the height of the market and being in a single income household. Source: SBS
“We bought at the height of the market at the time, and even though I knew it wasn’t a good investment, we felt pressure and responsibility to buy a house.”
Shortly after buying their home, Ashley and her husband borrowed money to renovate the property, hoping it would add value to their home.
However, they lost hundreds of thousands of dollars when the house was sold at the low end of the property market.
Being so heavily in debt, she had second thoughts about leaving her marriage, but Ashley said something had to change when her friends started to notice that she had lost her sense of identity.
Not only was she unsure how she was going to cope and care for her children as a single mother, but she felt a crippling sense of shame, exacerbated by her having to scramble on the floor of her car for loose change.
Ashley was scared to face the future as a single mother of two boys following her separation. Source: SBS
'What was it all for?'
When Margo (not her real name) got married at 18, she handed over the financial decision-making to her new husband, who was older, had tertiary education and a job that paid more than hers at the time.
According to Margo, their conservative Christian upbringing meant that traditional gender roles were not only the norm, but submission was considered virtuous.
When she became pregnant with their first child, things got worse.
“I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mum. While my husband supported that decision, it meant that he was able to go out and earn money," Margo said.
"I felt I had no say in our finances because I wasn’t bringing any to the table.”
Margo became concerned about how her husband was managing money. But she says whenever she questioned him about a financial decision he had made, he would get extremely defensive.
To avoid any conflict, she would give in.
She is recently separated and feels financially powerless.
“While I love my kids, I do look back and think what was it all for? Now I’m separated, no career, I’m 42 years old and have no idea how to even budget, it’s so embarrassing,” Margo said.
“No matter how hard we work as mothers, and how advanced we want to think of ourselves - society doesn’t value women’s non-financial contributions.”
With her husband being the main household earner, she says she felt that there was an imbalance of power.
“He effectively drained our asset pool prior to the divorce. If I knew anything about money back then, I would have at least known what he was doing.”
“Knowledge is power. When you don’t have it, it feels like you’re powerless.”
Why women are financially disadvantaged
In 2023, women in Australia still suffer from significant financial disadvantage. This is mainly due to women having time out of the workforce to raise young children or care for ageing parents; having part-time working hours for at least some of their careers, and the meaning women receive lower wages on average.
The median superannuation balance showing the gender gap between men and women. Source: SBS
And of the around 50,000 couples who divorce in Australia each year (56,244 divorces were granted in 2012), almost half (47.8 per cent) have children under 18 years, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. Many more would have separated without divorcing.
That's thousands of women who are likely to be in a disadvantaged financial position compared to their ex-partners, while also caring for children.
According to financial planner Canna Campbell, tales of female hardship after separation are common.
“I’ve had women come to me that were left with their ex-husband’s gambling debts, some that had their accounts frozen,” Campbell said.
She believes education from a young age is key.
The Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) Survey is a household-based panel study that collects valuable information about economic and personal well-being, labour market dynamics and family life. Source: SBS
“It’s absolutely disgraceful that financial life skills aren’t being effectively taught in schools, let alone university.
“Money impacts our lives more than any other pillar, it has such a direct correlation to our overall sense of well-being it's the one area of our lives where we actually have the ability to make even small simple changes to have a profound impact.”
Melissa Hardham, director of West Justice - a community organisation that provides free legal help to people in Melbourne's western suburbs, says the has also negatively impacted vulnerable women, such as newly arrived migrants and women from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, who are trapped in abusive relationships.
"Often, the women we represent have low literacy levels, which includes financial literacy," Hardham said.
"...you have families and individuals under stress, then add the current housing crisis, mortgage stress and a higher cost of living. People we work with are having to make decisions between putting food on the table or putting petrol in the car."
For women in abusive relationships, Hardham says they are faced with the worst possible decision - a choice between poverty or violence.
When it comes to providing a solution, she highlights the need for funding more free financial counselling services.
"There is no one-size-fits-all all approach to general personal finance issues because every financial situation is unique, whether the Australian education system is doing enough or not, it comes down to not having enough support and funding for one-on-one financial counsellors."
Starting a new chapter
Ashley is now CEO of CEOs for Gender Equity and is in the final stages of completing her PhD. Source: SBS
“I knew I just had to get my ducks in a row, get back on my feet and start again debt-free - and it wasn’t going to be easy."
“I worked really hard and eventually paid off all my debts, then went to university to study for my PhD,” she said.
Ashley lived on very basic meals, planning her groceries around weekly specials and managed to put aside all of the commission she received as part of her job in sales in a separate savings account.
“I didn’t learn any of those life skills in university, I had to find out for myself."
Determined to gain financial autonomy and fast-track her career, Ashley bought a home and became CEO of Perth-based organisation CEOs for Gender Equity, which aims to address gender equity across all industries.
Her journey inspired the thesis for her PhD, which is focused on accelerating progress with female diversity and inclusion in the Western Australian mining industry.
In her personal and professional life, she says she’s seen first-hand the financial literacy gap between men and women when it comes to separation and divorce, blaming a lack of financial education in schools and women taking time off to raise children.
“I certainly didn’t learn financial knowledge from university,” she said.
"I've had to learn off my own back."
If you or someone you know is impacted by family and domestic violence or sexual assault call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit
In an emergency, call 000.
Women from migrant and refugee backgrounds who are experiencing family or domestic violence can contact inTouch, the Multicultural Centre Against Family Violence on 1800 755 988 or visit
