Despite death being a part of daily life for Anne Myers, she’s been shocked at the devastation created by COVID-19.
“When it first started, I was watching the reports coming out of Italy, it was the numbers that scared everyone,” the palliative care nurse from Melbourne says.
“We were asking ourselves, ‘could this be us?’”
When the Australian government put the call out in April for 20,000 registered nurses to upskill and work in critical care, the 51-year-old put her hand up to rejoin the ICU ward where she had worked for decades.
But in the end, she decided to continue her work in palliative care as she felt she could better support her community in what would become a time of mass grief.
Palliative care helps people live their life as fully and as comfortably as possible when they have an advanced illness and are expected to die.
Anne, centre, working as a nurse in Derby, WA, in 1996. Source: Supplied
Anne, like every other health professional, has had to embrace PPE due to the pandemic. She says although she understands it is a necessity, it has been a challenge to keep her distance in a job that is typically very hands-on.
"It’s a very alienating experience. You rock up at the front door and they’ve not met you, and there’s such a barrier between you as a nurse and the son or the daughter answering the door," she says.
"We’re a service that’s always in people's personal spaces, it is all about touch and being close, and being part of that process with the family.
"It’s an impossible situation, people are being kept apart, people are dying without family members being near, the grief is augmented 100-fold because of this."
“There’s collective grief about the pandemic.”
As Melbourne deals with an extended lockdown and Australia continues to battle new cases of the virus, people there and across the country are struggling.
Mental health support service Beyond Blue has reported a 40 to 60 per cent increase in calls each month since March compared with the same months last year. Three-quarters of calls in early August were from Victorians.
Asking 'R U OK?'
Suicide prevention organisation R U OK? marks its annual R U OK?Day on Thursday 10 September, “reminding Australians that every day is the day to ask, ‘Are you OK?’ if someone in your world is struggling with life’s ups and downs”.
Chairman of the non-profit group’s think tank, Kamal Sarma, says considering the impact the pandemic is having on mental health, it’s more important than ever to be asking the question.
“This year’s R U OK?Day is the most important we’ve ever had,” he says.
“We talk about social distancing - I think there’s something a little wrong that - I think it should be ‘spatial distancing’. We need to be much more socially connected”.
Mr Sarma is encouraging people to not just check in with their friends, family and colleagues on Thursday, but to make it a regular occurrence.
“The more that you ask, the more beneficial it is for who you are asking and for yourself. When you ask someone, ‘Hey, are you OK?’, it creates a sense of shared vulnerability, and gives them permission to ask you as well.”
“We’ve seen this time and time again; when there are crises, people come together. There’s that shared experience of, ‘hey I’m not alone in this’.”
Dealing with grief
COVID-19 restrictions have affected funerals for people grieving in Australia with limits on the number of people gathering inside and outside.
In metropolitan Melbourne, only 10 people can attend a funeral and the Victorian government’s recent roadmap out of COVID-19 restrictions revealed the limit will remain until late October.
COVID-19 restrictions have also disrupted celebrations, travel plans and personal freedom for Australians too.
Grant Blashki, lead clinical advisor for Beyond Blue says for many Australians, the loss of autonomy could be leading to the experience of grief.
“I think a lot of people are feeling grief for various feelings,” Dr Blashki says.
“For some people, it might be that they feel this vague sense of, ‘what happened to my life?’
"Unfortunately, for others, they might have lost a loved one or can’t get in contact with a grandparent, or it might be that they have lost their job.”
If you are experiencing grief or a sense of loss, Dr Blashki advises there is no one way to manage it.
“Be really kind to yourself, take it easy and take it a day at a time,” he says.
“Emotions are a funny thing, they often come in waves. So, you might have a couple of good days where you might feel brittle, and that’s ok”.
Dr Blashki notes that grief doesn’t go away in a day.
“People often come to live with that sense of loss,” he says.
For Anne, she’s learnt over time to live with the grief she sees in her work and she now knows when she needs to reach out and ask for help herself.
“When I started, I’d often get back to the car tight-chested and feeling overwhelmed, even teary,” she says.
“But for the past decade, I’ve got comfortable with asking for help when I feel like I’m standing at the edge.”
She suggests the same strategy for those struggling during the pandemic.
“If you’re struggling, try reaching out, calling a friend - but also having some downtime and staying in bed and reading your book and not talking to anyone. Try and find a balance,” she says.
“We don’t know what the future holds, so it is very much taking it a day at a time.”
Readers seeking support with mental health can contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. More information is available at .
supports people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds. The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement can be contacted on 1800 642 066.
