Chinese gay couple marry in Australia despite community taboo

The parents of a Chinese lesbian couple have come to accept their daughters' relationship after seeing same-sex marriage legalised in Australia.

Same-sex marriage

Same-sex marriage Source: CC 2.0 by pixabay, StockSnap

Semi*, originally born in China, married her partner in Australia after same-sex marriage was legalised in 2017, but her journey was anything but smooth, especially with pressure from her parents who had tried to break the relationship up.

"In the view of Chinese parents, because of cultural difference, they generally they won't accept [same-sex ralationships]. The education they received and their living environment is completely different from ours," Semi told SBS Mandarin.

Semi left home when she was 15 and lived in Australia as an international student.

She has barely seen her parents since then and says she believes the long distance causes misunderstandings between them.

"They still think I am the 15-year old rebellious teenage girl," says Semi, "and I still reckon they remain the same as I left home."
China is trying to ban gay content from the internet
Youngsters hold rainbow flags as they march on the street during their anti-discrimination parade in Changsha, central China's Hunan province on May 17, 2013. Source: STR/AFP/Getty Images
But her parents changed their mind when they saw their daughter's life up close during a visit to Australia just a month after same-sex marriage had been legalised in 2017.

"They saw my lifestyle, they saw my changes, they saw me grown up. They started thinking from my point of view," Semi says. "I am so lucky they can understand me."

The final push for her parents' acceptance was the marriage proposal. Semi proposed to her partner in front of her parents at home and sang a romantic song.

"It was her birthday," Semi says. "My father shed tears when he heard my song, everyone was so touched... My mother loves her [my partner's] personality and she realised that it was not a childish decision, so she accepted it."

Semi says that becoming independent is the first step towards pursuing your own happiness.  

"Once you are independent then you can pursue your life. Both heterosexual and homosexual people are the same. When people have independent thinking and become finally independent, they will have the right to choose."
In a picture taken on March 8, 2011 gay
Gay couples kiss during a ceremonial 'wedding' as they try to raise awareness of the issue of same-sex marriage, in Wuhan, in central China's Hubei province. Source: AFP
However, not everyone has had the same luck as Semi. Gay relationships remain largely taboo subject in the Chinese community.

A man in the Sydney suburb Ashfield who voted 'Yes' in the same-sex marriage postal plebiscite tells SBS Mandarin that he understands why the majority of his community voted 'No'.

"There are more Asian, more Chinese people in this area... In Asian countries, people are more conservative and culturally they believe same-sex marriage is not right." he says.

Semi tells SBS Mandarin that some of her gay friends receive constant pressure from their parents to marry someone of the opposite sex, rather than their same-sex partners.

"Most of them remain silent - they don't dare to tell the truth to their parents," she says. "Even they have their properties, cars and career here, they still cannot speak to the parents.

"The experiences are very personal and individual. Some people can accept it easily. I am 24, I can handle the relationship with my parents carefully."
Homosexuality was decriminalised in China in 1997 but up until 2001 it was still classified as a mental disorder. Today, same-sex marriage is still not legal while homosexuality remains taboo.

Tim*, a gay man from China now living in Sydney, tells SBS Mandarin that attitudes are changing both in the Australian Chinese community and overseas.

"Since there are so many Chinese people overseas, when they see marriage equality they will probably have a better opinion of LGBTI people," he says. "Once they see gay marriage is legalised in Australia, they will have a better understanding... I think it's going to affect my coming out - it's going to make it much easier."

Taiwan is considered the Chinese society most accepting of LGBTI people and issues in the world. In 2017, Taiwan's Supreme Court issued an ultimatum to the parliament that same-sex marriage should be legislated within two years. 

Even still, many Taiwanese voters appeared to back anti-gay marriage referendums in late 2018 as the conservative vote passed 25 per cent of votes cast.

*Names changed

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4 min read
Published 1 March 2019 1:48pm
Updated 1 March 2019 2:46pm
By Dong Xing

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